Every other week on Shorebread one of our “single ladies” will give you a firsthand account of their trials and tribulations navigating the shore’s single scene. We’re in favor of the romantic notion of letter writing–you remember, in the olden days before emails and Facebook, when people handwrote letters and waited weeks for a response. With that in mind, each writer will be signing off under the same penname—Single at the Shore. They are writing to you, dear readers. Feel free to comment, or share your dating stories too.
Introducing the Serial Relationshipist…
I’m a fun-loving, uber creative, business oriented and entrepreneurial mid-20-something female who moved from a small town in a neighboring state to the quaint town of Berlin several years ago because of a great job opportunity. The ocean was calling my name and I had eagerly rushed to finish college early and begin my adult life living by the sea. I had no idea that moving to an enchanting coastal town would be relationship suicide – that’s kind of an exaggeration, but not by much.
I’m a self-declared “relationship junkie.” I get out of one, meet someone who has potential, end up back into a relationship, something happens and I’m not feeling it, and I’m back to being single. The cycle repeats endlessly it seems. Some of the relationships I’ve been in over the past few years have been pretty serious, lasting a year or longer, lately most only tend to last a month maximum. Then, like clockwork, I’m on to another man.
To me, it’s about security; feeling safe, comfortable and not having any doubt in your partner. If I don’t feel 100% secure in a relationship, have doubts of a partner’s motivation and intentions, or just find myself getting bored with the scenario, it’s never going to work. I find this to be the case with most single men on the Eastern Shore.
Like the Debonair Divorcee, said last week, you find men around here in their mid-thirties and early forties who have never grown up. Ocean City might as well be Never Never Land, Peter Pan’s residence where boys never age and never leave. Many men on the shore are perfectly content being seasonal bartenders for the rest of their lives (not that that’s always a bad thing), have no intent on ever actually putting a down payment on a home, don’t think health insurance is something important, can’t even begin to mutter the word “kids”, and think a wedding band is an evil torture device. That sounds a little harsh. I’ve come to find that what one man may lack another can make up for. Either way, finding a man that meets your every need would be considered a miracle sent from a cherub baby angel up above.
Are We Just Hanging Out?
Working a full-time job, having a seasonal part-time job, being active in several organizations, and having a never-ending amount of hobbies may seem like a lot to some people. I’m not one for taking time out to sit on the couch and watch television. It just doesn’t appeal to me. I’d much prefer to be doing something productive. Even with a tight schedule, I always seem to find time to go out on the town, meet up with my friends, or go on a date… or is it just “hanging out”?
What is it called when a single female is invited out by a single male, is picked up from her home by the man who sent the invite, goes to the specific event, restaurant or bar with the inviter, the check is very generously picked up by the man, she is taken back to her house, walked to the door, and nicely dismissed? Invitation then closed and the two go on their separate ways.
In womanly terms, we call that a date. I’ve found that many men don’t even know what a date is. Men have skewed the above scenario. They refer to these actions as “hanging out”. Hanging out? An overly nonchalant way of kind of, sort of, maybe being interested in a female companion but definitely not trying to ward off any other females in case they kind of, sort of, may be slightly interested in another female, or three. As a female, I think that this “hanging out” concept really sucks (please excuse my bluntness).
How did a date transform into hanging out? This transition has me baffled. If I say yes to an invite out with you, knowing that it’s just going to be the two of us and I’m going home to sleep in my own bed by myself, that means that I’m interested in you and might be interested in keeping you around for a while. That’s a date. In my most recent dating extravaganzas, men don’t consider that a date. It’s just a hang out session, a.k.a., a “hang sesh.”
Several of my male friends are guilty of considering me their main “hang sesh” girl. I don’t want to be. I’d love to hear one of them actually say, “Let’s go on a date” instead of “Let’s hang out.” The informality of the latter only applies when actually hanging out with a large group of people, not when it’s just the two of you – a date is between two people.
I think it comes down to a fear of commitment. Who wants to be tied down to one person in a small town who treats them extremely well, is always around when something’s going on, has similar interests, and is fun to be around during the off season in OC? I’m sure many ladies would raise their hand to that question, but many men would not. Commitment-phobes, for sure.
Lesson of this story: Guys, girls like to know that there are men out there who are thoughtful, kind, and gentlemanly enough to ask them out on a real date, date for a while, then eventually tie the knot. Girls, guys can sometimes be immature, thoughtless, and so informal that things of this subject don’t even cross their mind (not even for one nanosecond). In a casual town like Ocean City, there are too many equally casual men who don’t put enough effort into a relationship or simply avoid that r-e–l-a-t-i… word at all costs.
Don’t let it get to you, too much. If you have to over analyze something that you think might be a budding relationship, it could end up being one of those relationships that you become too invested in and turns into one big mess. If you find a man in our area that actually commits to a real date, calls it a date, and asks you out on another date, keep him around! Don’t let him get away. There are some men out there that still treat woman like princesses… hopefully there are a few left in Never Never Land, I mean, Ocean City.
— Single at the Shore
