Every other week on Shorebread one of our “single ladies” will give you a firsthand account of their trials and tribulations navigating the shore’s single scene. We’re in favor of the romantic notion of letter writing–you remember, in the olden days before emails and Facebook, when people handwrote letters and waited weeks for a response. With that in mind, each writer will be signing off under the same penname—Single at the Shore. They are writing to you, dear readers. Feel free to comment, or share your dating stories too.
Introducing Adorkable D…
This dating blooper reel is real life. I am a 27-year-old, recently separated city girl who left the City of Brotherly love to pursue marriage on the Eastern Shore at the tender age of 20 (please note that I was not pregnant, moving to little coastal Maryland was all free will. I now ask myself…why?) After seven years, and worsening relationship conditions, it was time to concede defeat in what was a restless marriage. I am now untrained and being released back into the wild known as single life.
I’ve learned that rules have changed dramatically, and am now in for the shock of my life. While a typical city chick, I’m probably one of the silliest and cutest nerds you’ll ever meet. My lack of filter from brain to mouth has caused for some serious hilarity to ensue in my awkward but rapidly changing dating life.
The Mating Game
It’s 7:30 AM and I’m searching for my purse and car keys with ninja-like stealth as I creep out of the apartment of last night’s hook-up. As I walk to my car, I laugh to myself. It’s not a ‘I can’t believe I just did that’ chuckle – rather one of ‘have I no shame?’ As I start my car and pull away, I realize I’ve actually adopted that mentality… no shame, no feelings of guilt, no emotional attachment, and to top it off, a little pride in myself for feeling exactly that way. It then occurs to me, ‘when did I start thinking like my typical male counterparts?’ I immediately make a mental note to discuss this over drinks with my girlfriends a la Sex in the City.
Just when I think my new attitude is merely residue of my recently failed marriage and rebelling against socials norms, I’m reassured by my friends that, no, ladies have somehow flipped the script on the power dynamics of relationships. They flood me with stories of being berated with text messages, confronted to express their feelings, and overall desperation of today’s male.
It seems that the days of women sitting at home waiting for a man to call and ask them out is a thing of the past. Women are now displaying characteristics long attributed to men, while men on the other hand are now adopting the roles traditionally associated with females. When did this happen? It most certainly was not overnight. Could it be that men’s previously cavalier attitude towards dating and relationships have caused women to adapt? Could the female evolution of independence have made men long for the emotional and needy aspects that women once provided? Has this driven men to the point where they have begun taking on the gender normative roles that women once held? So many questions kept popping into my head, and even though my friends’ stories nearly solidified my position on the matter, I was so consumed by the topic that I did some research. Helen Fisher, Anthropologist / Scientific Advisor for Match.com conducted a survey and this is what she concluded:
• Men fall in love more quickly than women do.
• Single men are more likely to want children
• Women want more independence (private time) in relationships than men do
• Males desire serious committed relationships more than females
• Men want self-sufficient, secure and confident women
Here’s the problem with that last one: The same women men want, are just that – self-sustaining, independent and liberated. We no longer need to be coddled and taken care of. We have our own careers, our own cars, and our own sense of being. Could it be that as men get older and are forced to come into their own without the constant emotional support their mothers once supplied are, in turn, relinquishing the ‘pants wearing’ mentality they once had? Is it Freudian, or Darwinian; or has our newfound unattainability simply encouraged what’s left of the male ego to pursue the thrill of the chase?
While there will always be perpetual bachelors (men who vow to stay single for life), my recent experiences swimming back in the single pool have lead me to believe that these bachelors are fewer and further between than they used to be. It also seems that slightly older women are no longer feeling the pressures of old standard social norms, like getting married and having kids, and are instead embracing the single life. Women have now climbed to the top of the dating food chain, taking no prisoners in their ascension. From the top, it looks like we’re here to stay.
— Single at the Shore
