Every other week on Shorebread one of our “single ladies” will give you a firsthand account of their trials and tribulations navigating the shore’s single scene. We’re in favor of the romantic notion of letter writing–you remember, in the olden days before emails and Facebook, when people handwrote letters and waited weeks for a response. With that in mind, each writer will be signing off under the same penname—Single at the Shore. They are writing to you, dear readers. Feel free to comment, or share your dating stories too.
Introducing the Double-Crossed Doll…
Relationship prospects on the shore can be very limited. With all the out-of-towners that are just visitors and the locals whose dating pasts can make for the easiest game of Six Degrees like Kevin Bacon. Every once in a while you come across a guy who just sweeps you off your feet. The attraction is instantaneous. The conversation is great. You talk into the wee hours of the morning about everything; your goals, careers, his ‘failing’ relationship with his long term live-in girlfriend…
(Insert screeching breaks sound effect)
Not kidding, I said it, his girlfriend.
1st red flag: If any guy you just meet starts harping about how bad his relationship is, he’s probably setting his perch.
We parted ways innocently, no lines crossed just yet. Then it happened, the Facebook notification that I indeed had a new friend request – from him. Not shortly after accepting his ‘friendship’ I got a private message from him…
“Had a great time talking with you! You should come out more often. Text me some time if you want.”
Signed with a smiley face and his phone number, I reply with something similar, “I had a great time too. Definitely will.” Signed with my phone number.
2nd red flag: A private message instead of a normal post to my Facebook wall. Why didn’t he address me publically?
He had gotten in my head. A great looking guy, capable of holding a decent conversation, and although he has a girlfriend, he insists that they’re on the outs. What guy stays in a relationship when he’s not happy? In retrospect, as chaste as it all seemed, he was slowing cracking open the door of what was to come. The private message should’ve been a big flashing warning indicating his deceptiveness; however a week had gone by, so maybe I had just been overthinking his intentions.
It was a Friday night when I had got the first text, that mutual friends were getting together and that I should come out. I replied that I was out of town, but that next time I would. We continued to text throughout the night, and the longer it went, the flirtier it got, graduating to winks and smiley faces. This continued over the course of a few weeks, all the while running into each other at local establishments.
When we are out together, it was magnetic and we never left each other’s side. Finally, in a moment of passion, the line of romantic decency was crossed, and it felt like an almost perfect relationship – except for his girlfriend. The girlfriend in question was never around, so it seemed that all signs pointed to the idea that he had been telling the truth, that it was obviously over between them. Not necessarily true. Apparently her profession was one that required her to work odd hours. This was a setup now known as the ‘Bump, Set, Spike!’ for a male with the wandering eye.
As our relationship progressed, the texts turned into phone calls. The running into each other became sneaking around. I began to rearrange my schedule as to make things easier for us to be together. He would tell me he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that he couldn’t wait to end it with her.
3rd red flag: Along with these sweet messages came the excuses as well. So many excuses.
“We have a house together, and the lease isn’t up for x-amount of months” or “If I break up with her now, she’ll be so mad she will take everything I have, ruin my career, and sabotage my life…”
As the sympathetic ear, I assured him that it would all work out and he would agree. Our future seemed promising and the forbidden fruit was enticing, intoxicating even. The boost to the ego one gets when someone tells you they can’t be without you is something like a drug. Our affair continued, and was poetic in every Shakespearean sense of the word. His girlfriend was the villain; I was the princess riding in to save my prince from her torturous dungeon.
This continued on for months. I would get tired of waiting for him to end his relationship with her. I’d waved my white flag, made ultimatums, swore I was done. He would make promises that it would be over soon. I’d be in for another round. I’d decide shortly after that I was done, and that I needed to move on and that we shouldn’t talk at all. He’d say “But you’re my best friend! I can’t not talk to my best friend.” I’d feel sorry and go back.
This went on for a year, ending almost as abruptly as it started. The infatuation that was clouding my judgment was clearing and the destined relationship light at the end of this tunnel of deception was fading. I decided I could never be happy being the other woman. I was his second priority and that was not enough.
I am now happier than I have ever been, and though I miss him at times, I do not miss sneaking around, and waiting for him to man up – especially since they are still together. Yes, he’s still dating her and has never come clean and confessed to seeing another woman while with her. I’ve come to the realization that being the other woman does not make you special, or the ‘selected one.’ It leaves you as the runner-up in a never ending race for his love and affection.
— Single at the Shore
