As 2013 comes to a close, I’d be remiss not to do a piece covering the year in review. Don’t worry; I’m not going to recap news stories and world events from this past year, that’s not really my thing. There are more than enough talented writers to cover that. I’m merely a storyteller with a deep well from which to pull. Quite frankly, I’m not all that hip to current events enough to speak intelligibly about them any way. They don’t run a news ticker along the bottom of the screen on the Disney channel, so most current events fly under my personal radar.
I’ll instead, simply do a lighthearted recap of the last twelve months worth of Shorebilly’s Swill. Enough silliness happened this year to warrant touching on one last time. I learned a lot this year, I changed a lot this year, and overall, I tried to become a better person and a better writer. It remains to be seen how much I missed the mark on both points. If I could describe 2013 in a single word, it would be forgettable. But as we welcome 2014, I don’t want to bid adieu to 2013 and send it off into the annals of history with a low self esteem. So I’ll touch on some of the highlights.
Sad as it sounds, I can only think of two actual news stories from this past year meaningful enough to me as a person to write about. The first is that humanity suffered a great loss with the passing of Nelson Mandela. The world is a much better place just from his having been in it, and his existence has made us better as a species. The effects of his greatness will carry on for generations long after he’s gone. Thank you sir.
And the other story you may have seen somewhere other than here is that my beloved Ravens won the Superbowl. Only to be immediately followed by a rapid, systematic dismantling of the team that hoisted the Lombardi trophy. And that wraps up my knowledge of real news events from the year.
2013, like any other year had its highs and lows. It just seemed that some of the lows had more of an impact than years past. We got through it though, and will hopefully come away better people for it. I judge my days now based solely upon whether everyone in my house woke up that day. If they all did, it’s a great day. I’m going to carry that perspective into the new year. In just a few short days, we all get a clean slate and a fresh start.
I started this year 35 pounds lighter, but I end it as a non smoker. And yes, the two do go hand in hand. I guess it’s a trade off. I can finally fill my lungs to capacity with oxygen, but my stomach has expanded to the point that its taken over the area that my full lungs would have occupied. My sense of smell has been restored, and I feel like I have the olfactory capabilities of an airport security dog now. But that’s not necessarily a good thing given that I spend my days changing diapers, and my nights working in a bar. Some things are just better left unsmelled.
I chronicled the early days of my smoke free life in the Swill back in January. That’s when we all discovered my newfound penchant for cookies. In fact, I don’t think obsession is too strong a word. Now, if you ever happen to see a poster for Girl Scouts of America, take it down and flip it over. The other side is a picture of me with a caption that reads: “This is the guy.”
I covered in the Swill some of the pathetic reasons for my inflated vocabulary and had to justify it to some along with the validity of some of my stories. We learned that my linguistic skills are nothing more than the sad bi-product of an adolescent crush.
I gave my take on birthdays and how I think they should be more to celebrate your mother’s, and not so much you. I had the easy part that day; all I had to do was show up and be a complete jackass for the next few decades. Mom did all the work. Thanks Mom, I miss you.
I explained why I think the two most important holidays are Mother’s Day, and Veteran’s Day. They should each be celebrated with vigor to honor those whom they were designed. I think we can do away with most of the other holidays, except for my favorite one which is Thanksgiving. Any day that is centered on food and family is a great day.
I did my annual pilgrimage to that wonderful glutton fest known as Pork In the Park and told you all about it. I told you all about my disaster of a wedding anniversary this year. To give a brief summary, this story involved the illness of three little girls, a myriad of bodily functions, Mother Nature’s wrath, a stupid raccoon pilfering my underwear, power outages, and my innate gift for poor timing.
Some of the other topics covered this year in the Swill were: the night when I did my best Robert Downey Jr. impression by overindulging and waking up in the wrong house. The Jersey Shore invasion that hit our resort town this year. That a seemingly innocuous practical joke went very wrong leading to my knowledge of the existence of a subculture known as Bronies. We covered Val Kilmer’s awesome resume, identified a few stereotypes, and even gave some fashion tips. We continued the tutorial on how to properly behave while in a bar. We touched on some things my kids say and do, and some really messed up Christmas gift ideas.
I learned that there’s really no good way to obtain the knowledge that you’re deathly allergic to bee stings and that epi-pens are really freakin’ expensive. I also however learned that if you walk into a medical facility looking like an Easter Island statue come to life, you go right to the front of the line.
We learned that the word ‘epic’ has been reduced to being this generation’s ‘awesome’, or ‘groovy’. We also learned that the banjo is the new electric guitar. I made and consumed a sandwich that was nothing short of legendary, and I hope that generations to come speak of it and attempt to duplicate it.
We had quite a few less trips to the hospital this year, and went to several less funerals. So I guess it was a pretty good year overall. It was the first time in three years that we didn’t have a new baby, though.
All in all, what I’ll take away from 2013 is this: I do, and always will learn more from my children than they ever will form me. My wife is a superhero whom I’m blessed and lucky to have. For every mutant I encounter there’s someone else who renews my faith in humanity. Things are never quite as bad as they seem. I have some pretty amazing friends and family whom I love dearly. Great things come at the most unexpected times from unexpected sources. And that life is actually pretty damn good. Thanks for playing along everyone. Happy new year to all of you. It’s a clean slate so use it wisely. If nothing else in 2014, remember to keep perspective.
Until next week,
Syd Nichols
