These were 2 subjects that I tried my best not to write about, but I just couldn’t resist, so I decided to combine them into one piece. This one will be pretty top heavy with my own personal opinions, so be prepared. But then, that’s why they bury me all the way at the bottom in the editorial section with a blanket disclaimer attached to all of my work. So before you jump on your soap boxes and attack me, read through to the end.
I may be the only person in America with access to a television and no established Sunday night bedtime who watched neither the Super Bowl nor the Grammys. Not only am I okay with that, but it was a conscious effort, and I’m actually proud of it. This was by no means because I deem either of these events beneath me. In fact, two of the things that I’m most passionate about are football and music. It just so happens that in this particular year, I could not conceivably have been more disinterested with the participants of both events.
The Seattle Seahawks, the New England Patriots, and Katy Perry seemed like three of the best reasons to not watch the big game. What I would argue to be two of the most classless, completely void of integrity organizations in all of professional sports did not incite me to watch this year’s Super Bowl.
I firmly believe that the beginning of the end of professional football as we once knew it was the tuck rule. This was the first of many rules inserted simply to accommodate that frolicking little pansie – number 12 – who can’t take a hit and cries like a toddler who just had his toy taken by another child. He and his charisma-lacking-puppeteer, who is so tastefully adorned in a sleeveless hoodie, have combined forces to destroy what was once a great sport. Their constant manipulation of the rules and perpetually deceitful tactics coupled with a never-ending effort to gain an unfair and dishonest edge over their opponents has forever marred the sport. Personally, I think that every achievement during their era together should have an asterisk attached to it. They should also be about as welcome in Canton as Barry Bonds and Mark Mcguire are in Cooperstown. These are not just the rants of a bitter fan of another team. They have repeatedly been caught cheating and it is well documented. It makes you wonder how many things they got away with that no one picked up on. Every time I hear Tom Brady mentioned in the same breath as Johnny Unitas and Joe Montana, I throw up in my mouth a little bit. His future and that of his scumbag coach should land them nowhere but the hall of shame.
And let us not forget the other team involved in this laughing stock of a production. Might I remind you that there is one reason and one reason only that the horse faced, gum chomping, nasal voiced jerk Pete Carroll is even coaching in the NFL. That’s because when he was at U.S.C., someone tipped him off that the NCAA was about to come down hard on the program with sanctions for all of the improprieties and violations during his anarchy as head coach. He has now subsequently brought his complete lack of discipline to the NFL. There is absolutely no class, and not an ounce of discipline, control or accountability in the franchise. Which is why the biggest game of the year ended in an on-field brawl which yielded an ejection and several subsequent fines. The team also has one of the best defensive backs in the history of the game, but he won’t shut up long enough for us to truly appreciate his talents. The flip side of that coin is their running back, who clearly hails from a another planet in a galaxy far, far away. He keeps getting fined and reprimanded by the league for repeatedly wearing unsanctioned apparel during press conferences and refusing to cooperate with the media. When one of the biggest stories the week leading up to the Super Bowl is that your star player just stands at a mic and repeats the same phrase to reporters just to show that he is in control, maybe you just don’t deserve to win.
I know I led this piece by telling you that I did not watch the game at all, and that’s true. Based on the ratings of both of these events, my boycott didn’t really affect too much. You may be wondering why I’m even writing about two events that I didn’t even watch. This is where the wonders of modern technology come into play. I was able to watch almost all of the Super Bowl commercials (which many years are the highlight of the program) on the internet the week before the game. I watched the highlights and read the articles the next day. And I was even able to watch a full replay of the game, including the half time show, throughout the following week at my own convenience. So while all of you were watching the big game, I was watching Mary Poppins with my 3 daughters in my lap.
Morbid curiosity got the best of me a few days later and I did break down and watch the halftime show during one of the reruns of the game. What appeared was that odd little girl who sometimes has Smurf-blue hair. The same one who was on ESPN’s college game day wearing a fur football jersey and trying to get a player a decade her junior to call her for a date on national television. And now here she was standing atop a giant bronze jungle cat dressed as former pro wrestler and subsequent roid casualty, Bam Bam Bigelow. I must admit, that I was genuinely impressed by the speed with which she changed wardrobe multiple times. She came in looking like Chaz Michael Michael from Blades of Glory, and ended dressed as a beach ball. Interesting transformation. And in between, young Katy bounced her posterior off the front bumper of a 50 year old Lenny Kravitz while singing to the world about her swapping saliva with another girl. Nothing creepy at all about that. Quality family Sunday night entertainment. Does anyone besides me miss Up With People? My God, when did I become a bitter old man?
Unfortunately, the first part of this rant went longer than I thought, so the portion about the Grammys will closely follow. That’s the good part, so don’t miss it.
Thanks for playing along.
Until later, Syd Nichols