This week ShoreBread introduces a new column…Single at the Shore. We’ve all been there, and many of us are still there. Plenty of stories revolve around the sordid dating scene—tales offering both comical and maddening details. Some of the most memorable television shows and fictional characters have been endearing because of their single status. We’ve cheered them on as many times as we chastised their choices.
Simply being single isn’t what makes this column unique—its exclusive appeal is that all of the forthcoming adventures in dating take place here, in our coastal area, our own little microcosm of strange and wonderful. Dating here is worlds apart from dating anywhere else. Take for instance, the single scene in a major city where there’s more people in a city block than the entire winter population of Ocean City. Suffice it to say that we have one of those tiny plastic, dating pools, and city dwellers have Olympic-sized choices.
Each week one of our “single ladies” will give you a firsthand account of their trials and tribulations navigating the shore’s single scene. We’re in favor of the romantic notion of letter writing–you remember, in the olden days before emails and Facebook, when people handwrote letters and waited weeks for a response. With that in mind, each writer will be signing off under the same penname—Single at the Shore. They are writing to you, dear readers. Feel free to comment, or share your dating stories too.
Up first, we introduce you to the Debonair Divorcee…
A Little about me, before we get to my column:
I will start off by saying that if you think anyone who has been divorced used it as an escape route when things didn’t work out, I am here to say that is just crazy talk. No one in their right mind gets married without thinking “this is forever,” otherwise you would just date until you decide you didn’t like the person anymore, am I right?
So here I am 33, successful, attractive, confident and starting over again in life and in love. If you think dating was hard in your 20’s, let me tell you—it’s near impossible in your 30’s. The pool to choose from is full of guys who have either been married (which is fine, but can carry an airplane hanger full of baggage and bitterness), are certified bachelors who think they are all still in their 20’s but are actually 40+ with roommates and living like they are in their 20’s, and my personal favorite, the guy who thinks that because he has money, he has the right to do whatever he wants and you are going to accept it.
Then there’s…me. I am clearly not the best judge of character otherwise I would still be married. I’m apparently still learning so I’m cautious and careful. I also like to take things slow, weed out the bad eggs, or the ones looking for casual sex–yes I said it. I mean we shop around for the perfect pair of pumps before we wear them, shouldn’t we do the same when dating? My first little nugget of dating experience at the shore is below…
Just Friends?
I went on a third date. This guy and I had a blast, then like clockwork at the end of the date, he tells me that he’s not looking for anything serious–he’s focusing on his career and getting financially secure. We have already established this the last two times we went out so I am getting annoyed now, girl code I’m like, “okay your not into me, I get it.”
On our first date we met at a festival keeping it totally casual, no pressure. We met up at 12:00PM and hung out until 12AM. We stayed at the festival, went to dinner, watched a band play, walked the boardwalk and yes we even had a PDA fest on the beach, (cheesy I know, but totally PG.) We agreed to see each other again, keep it casual and friendly, and see where it goes.
Date #2 was similar. We met for brunch, rode bikes, ate lunch, watched a football game, had dinner, watched the sunset and had great conversation throughout the entire date. The end of the night, it got weird. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious and he wanted to keep it casual. Yep I get it, we already established that.
About two weeks passed with casual text messages and conversations, then we met up for dinner and had a great time again…until it ended with the same conversation of not looking for anything serious. So now I am thinking, am I missing something?
Why do men think women are looking for something serious, and why do they feel the need throw out that disclaimer every time? It’s like they think they are so suave that I’m in danger of falling madly in love each time we hang out. The more I thought about this the more annoyed I became.
I used to think if you met someone and sparks flew right away then it was meant to be. Experience and maturity made me realize if you don’t act on the “lust at first sight,” then you actually have time to grow and get to know someone better to decide if you want to take the time to date them. But what does that little period qualify as—dating or friendship?
I think it’s all just a game of luck, timing and chemistry. If someone is telling you something, you should listen and if you don’t, you can’t blame anyone but yourself. The confusing part is in deciphering what they actually mean.
I will be exploring the world of dating in hopes to figure out that question we all want to know…
Does Love really concur all? Or is this something we have been tricked to believe so we single people stay hopeful?
—Single at the Shore
